The Cubs are polling fans on possible changes in store for Wrigley Field, as I wrote about in today’s story in the Tribune.
Naturally, they neglected to ask the questions that need to be answered about the real issues at the ballpark, the ones we deal with on an everyday basis. So here’s my own Quality Assessment Survey on Wrigley Field:
1. Should Ronnie Woo be confined to one section of the ballpark when shouting “Cubs Woo,” creating a Woo-Free Zone for the rest of the fans?
2. Do you believe fans should be ejected for starting The Wave?
3. Would you be in favor of Alfonso Soriano paying attention to the game all the time, or should he be allowed to continue to turn around between pitches to watch the goings-on in the bleachers?
4. Given the choice of which owner should be the spokesman on Cubs-related issues, do you prefer “Undercover Todd” Ricketts or Tom Ricketts?
5. Should the team psychiatrist be allowed to participate in the high-five line with players after Cub wins?
6. Is caviar an acceptable pre-game option in the Cubs clubhouse?
7. Do you approve of the use of a giant noodle or any other member of the food pyramid as an advertisement outside of Wrigley?
8. Should the Harry Caray statue be moved on an annual basis?
9. Would you be in favor of a new “Supersized” pricing tier to go along with Marquee, Platinum, Gold, Silver and Bronze tiers?
10. Should the Cubs build a lounge for Carlos Zambrano’s entourage?
Thanks for taking the survey. My friend Owen made this handy survey dealio to help me out, since I am blogospherically challenged.
Unlike the Cubs, I’ll publish the results later.
Surviving the Cubs 
I agree with the ejecting of fans who do the wave, but I’d add one more: teach Ronnie Woo-Woo how to do the wave.
The most important question though:
Do the Ricketts care about the opinions of anyone who doesn’t pay through the nose? I submitted my survey, but I only go to about 10 games a year and don’t pay for premium seats. Whose voice is louder?
1. Should Ronnie Woo be confined to one section of the ballpark when shouting “Cubs Woo,” creating a Woo-Free Zone for the rest of the fans? NO – how many years does this guy have left?
2. Do you believe fans should be ejected for starting The Wave?
YES
3. Would you be in favor of Alfonso Soriano paying attention to the game all the time, or should he be allowed to continue to turn around between pitches to watch the goings-on in the bleachers?
Watching the goings-on in the bleachers, as long as he ACTS like he’s hustling when the ball is hit his way
4. Given the choice of which owner should be the spokesman on Cubs-related issues, do you prefer “Undercover Todd” Ricketts or Tom Ricketts?
I prefer you!
5. Should the team psychiatrist be allowed to participate in the high-five line with players after Cub wins?
yes
6. Is caviar an acceptable pre-game option in the Cubs clubhouse?
Yes
7. Do you approve of the use of a giant noodle or any other member of the food pyramid as an advertisement outside of Wrigley?
NO – but a limp noodle is more exciting than what’s happening inside the field.
8. Should the Harry Caray statue be moved on an annual basis?
Yes, like Where’s Waldo?!?!
9. Would you be in favor of a new “Supersized” pricing tier to go along with Marquee, Platinum, Gold, Silver and Bronze tiers?
Um, no
10. Should the Cubs build a lounge for Carlos Zambrano’s entourage?
Ha ha
he turned his season around! Anger management helps!
1. Yes. And that section should be a poured concrete bunker fifty feet below street level.
2. Ejected? No. Tortured? Yes.
3. Alf should only have to watch the game the entire time if he starts the wave. (see answer to Question 2)
4. Answer withheld until the Undercover Todd episode is released.
5. Sure. I don’t mind seeing that guy 65 times a year.
6. Can it pitch the 7th inning?
7. I think they should hire Ryno to walk around outside wearing a sandwich board.
8. No, but they should throw a different Budweiser t-shirt on it each year so Crane can afford new shoes.
9. Is it for the fat people? Definitely.
10. As long as the walls are padded.
I’m in favor of putting Soriano out front and putting the noodle in left.
i’d like to add another to the list:
should ronnie woo-woo be made the interim PA announcer anytime the cubs fall below .500 after may 31…to “woo” to his heart’s content…making the cubs unwatchable (live or broadcast) until they field a better team…
THAT would get ownership’s attention…and generate a title contender MUCH more quickly than nearly any other action.
great site, paul, have been checking back regularly since NOV…pls keep it going!